On Motherhood

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I had always wanted to be a mother. To have kids of my own. I had pretty strong opinions on how I would raise them too. I imagined myself to be the Pinterest mom- crafting with them, structured play, activity-filled days, all of that. And then motherhood happened. And it was so different from what I had believed it would be.

I realized that all my child-rearing theories from my maiden days, from seeing other’s kids, were impractical and unrealistic in my case. I realized that I am not a Pinterest mom (much to my dismay). I realized I’m not the most patient, breathe through it kind of mom either. I realized what my mother always said to me was true- jab tum maa banogi tab pata chalega (you’ll see when you become a mother). And obviously, I realized that my mother’s life as a mom wasn’t exactly fun and easy even though to me it always seemed so. Needless to say, I have, since the day I started throwing up every bite I ate when I was pregnant the first time, had newfound respect and admiration for her, that only grows every day.

It isn’t easy. It drains you. It exhausts you physically and mentally. Motherhood is a constant struggle- not just with your kids, but with yourself. Realizing that you are not what you thought you would be as a parent. Realizing that you have to be a positive role model even when the demon inside you tries hard to surface. Realizing that it isn’t as easy as it looked. Realizing that you have so much work to do on yourself, so much growing to do yourself while you raise someone else. So much to teach, so much more to learn. There is so much to motherhood I never knew.

Yes, there is happiness and joy, and cuddles and the kisses and the snuggles and the I love you hugs. But there is also so much pain, so much exhaustion, so much worry, so much heartache, so much struggle. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Alhamdolillah.

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